Mail from Malaysia - The New Airport

All right, the whinging about the new airport is over, and now I would like you all to have a look at it. You can see it in it's entirety by clicking on this link http://metro.thestar.com.my/klia/ . Have a good look at, and you will quickly appreciate it's outstanding beauty and efficiency of design. As is always the case, you cannot truly appreciate the enormity, or the grandeur of it, unless you have actually been there. But perhaps some of you may pass through it in the not too distant future, and will stand in awe of the magnificent structure that it is. And I know a few of you will say, "What was that Anthony Lee going on about when he complained about this place, it's really quite magnificent". I should invest in a scanner, then I could show you some photos of what weary travellers look like who have been stuck in an airport for 12 hours. What a ragged looking bunch we were, I am surprised they even let us on a plane after the opening day fiasco. By the way, I believe Peter Watson-Sproal had an interesting experience on a recent trip to these shores, and he may even put pen to paper and relate them to you.

On several occasions I have mentioned health and cleanliness in my articles in relation to the Asian region, and here is another little snippet I know you will be dying to read. The headline said, "States Get $200,000 each to build Toilets!" Well I thought to myself, what the heck have these people been using up to now? Then I remembered the second most common sight in Malaysia, and that is of children, and often adults, urinating in the gutter, or open drain, wherever they happen to have the urge. It's a really pleasant sight when you are seated at the Hawker stall enjoying a bit of grub, when a young kid comes along and stands near you so he can pee into the drain. Of course there is a public toilet about 50 feet away, but I guess it is just too far to go. Back to the money to build toilets. The Housing and Local Government Ministry has allocated $200,000 to each state to build "user friendly" and modern, up to date, toilets. User Friendly? That certainly conjures up a lot of funny pictures in my mind, and a lot of gross ones as well. Quoting further, "The allocation was only for one public toilet for each state." Can you imagine the queue? It would be somewhere in the region of 11.8 kilometres long, and boy oh boy, I would not want to be the last person to use it. Whew! Going on a bit more about cleanliness/health, and the local council here in Kuantan have been doing a bit of cleaning up themselves. Last week they did a few spot checks at restaurants and hawker stalls around the town, and closed 67 of them for being unhygienic! The offending premise have been given 14 days to either clean up, or close up! Each of the premises that failed the inspection had a notice plastered across the front for all and sundry to see, saying why they had been closed. Fortunately none of the eating places that we frequent were closed, were we lucky or what! But a few of them have since reopened, so I guess they had cleaned up and the council allowed them to go on trading. Don't think I would eat at any of them.

They are still having a lot of trouble in Indonesia with the ratbag element rioting and looting, and the armed forces are not having much success in keeping them under control. You may not get to read about too much of it, but believe me it is far worse than the picture the media are painting of it. Indonesia's national police chief has ordered harsher measures against looters, including using live ammunition against them. The quote is very good, "Harsh measures include three warning shots. If the shots can't stop the looters, then police personnel can shoot looters in the legs." Now hang on for this last quote, I Love it. "If, during the shooting, the looters duck, bullets may go through their head." Ha ha ha, that really gave me a good laugh. I just wish a few of the radical, no hoper, moronic, bludging, Uni drop out Greenies would go up there and start DUCKING. (What about it Laurie, you game enough?). Haven't heard a peep out of them yet, guess they don't want to respond to my accusations. (As if I expected them to.) An article just arrived on my news desk in which it states that Police have shot a looter dead. Apparently he was in a mob, (typical), that had ignored several warning shots to disperse. I guess he must have been unlucky enough to duck!

Smoking! For The Non Smokers I have some good news and bad news, and for the Smokers I have some bad news and good news. Take it how you like, but don't say you weren't told. This is information is directed more toward those of you who may be coming here for the Commonwealth Games, although holiday makers and others alike, will learn something too. That's one good thing about this site, you can learn so much in such a short space of time about other countries and cultures, good points and bad, where to go and where not to go etc. etc. But I digress once again, oh well. The laws here regarding smoking in public places, i.e. hotels, restaurants, hospitals, buses, and the list goes on, are much the same as any other developed country. 'YOU CAN'T DO IT!' So if you are a non-smoker, and hope to have some respite from those deadly toxic fumes by being in what is clearly defined by law, and signs, as a non smoking area, forget it! Last week I was in a hotel in Kuala Lumpur, and their restaurant has 'No Smoking' signs that measure about 12" by 24", and they are clearly visible from whatever angle you are looking. But there are people smoking at the tables, and when the staff are directed to kindly ask them to refrain, they, (the staff), come up with the most ludicrous reasons why smoking is permitted. Little gems such as, "There is three at the table". So I guess there really is safety in numbers. And other quaint reasons like, "They are sitting near the window." So I guess smoke can really go through glass after all. Then you get into the elevator, (lift), and the manufacturer of those things now have a non smoking sign embossed in the control panel where you push the little round things to go up or down. "Excuse me mate, but there is no smoking in elevators." Mr. Richard Cranium, (better known as Dick Head), sticks his head in the door and says I can't see any sign so it must be all right. Lucky me being a chronic asthmatic, (no fun, I can tell you), has to get out of the lift and wait for the other one which is smoke fume free, while Mr Richard Cranium gets to go up on his own. Gotta take it on the chin eh! Forget about lodging a complaint with the council health department, they wont do diddly bop about it, and neither will the hotel staff or it's management. Now don't all you smokers get upset and start emailing me and telling me I don't have to stay there because there are plenty of other places, I already made that decision. But here's the good news, all the hotels are the same, they do not have the backbone to tell the customers to refrain from smoking because it is illegal, even though the hotel can be fined $1,000 for every person found smoking in their premises, as well as the offender getting a $100 on the spot fine. The thing about the whole business that puts you off your grub, is the attitude of the people doing the smoking. They simply do it to show they can flout the law, and they have this moronic mind set that it makes them more manly. Now, you smokers, this is for you. Watch out, because the councils law enforcement officers occasionally get the urge to get out of their office and actually go and police some of the regulations, and that's where you lot come in. They will enforce the law in a very inconsistent manner, fining some here and there, and then totally disregarding others, and then fine a few more. Do not expect any consistency in anything you deal with, there is no such thing as a level playing field here in regard to the way the law is enforced. Now having said that, let me say this, I hope you all have a great time when you come here, be it for the Games or just a holiday.

With the recent opening of the huge Berjaya Megamall here in Kuantan recently, the cinema complex has finally been completed, and opened a few days ago. There are five cinemas in the 'Ciniplex', and they have about 200 seats in each, showing a different new release movie in very comfortable seating and carpeted floor. The best thing about it is the surround sound systems they have, which are the same as the theatres in Australia, and all this for a paltry A$2.40! That is only A$0.40 more than we used to pay at the old Rex Cinema. Of course the new ones don't have that old 50's and 60's ambience about them, where the decor and seating are still remnants of a bygone era, and even the projectors are the original ones that were installed when the old theatres were built. It was a real pleasure going to the movies at the old cinemas, with the architecture being straight out of the 50's, with recessed lighting on the walls where it has been done ornamentally with plaster designs by a master craftsman. Call me old fashioned if you like, but I always enjoyed looking around the old cinemas before they dimmed the lights, guess I just can't adjust to this new fangled life style.

NEWS IN BRIEF:

Wanna chat about tigers again? Okay, I do, and here is another little snippet on that subject. About 30 kms out of Ipoh on the West coast is a little Kampung (village) called Kampung Kelimat. There were four workers in a rubber plantation just going along minding their own business and not doing diddly bop, when all of a sudden there is a tiger standing right in front of them, face to face, so to speak. The worker on the tractor apparently ripped it into gear and sped off, fortunately his three companions jumped on the thing with him, and all made good their escape. Can you imagine the scene, straight out Jumanji eh! We have all got our fingers crossed that the Department of Wildlife do not see the tiger, as they would probably kill it like they did the last one. While we are on that subject, there is another news item from a small village about halfway between Kuantan and KL. (Kuala Lumpur, for you all Americans who don't have an atlas. Not you Bernie!). The villagers have complained that since January a tiger has taken at least 14 of their cows! Now that may not be a significant number to us Aussies, but to a small landholder who might only own a couple of dozen, it is quite a large number. The ever ready tiger murderers from the Wildlife and National Parks Department had set up four traps about a month ago, but the villagers can no longer afford to buy goats to use as bait. What else is new?

It happened in Singapore, but the offender was a flight steward, (you know, those airborne waiters), with Malaysian Airlines. It seems the crew landed in Singapore, and after they went off duty two of the stewards got together in one of their rooms after 3 am for a bit of jolly old arm wrestling. Just the sort of thing we all enjoy at that hour of the morning. Anyway, when the older one got beaten several times by the younger guy, he got a bit peeved so to speak, and challenged him to a fight. I guess he just had to prove he was manly enough to whop his butt! The young guy was really cool and said he didn't want to fight, and that got the other guys dander up good and proper, so he did a Mike 'the rapist' Tyson on him, and bit his ear off! At that point the referee jumped in and said, "ear, ear, earnuff of that". No he didn't, I just said that. So the culprit got a year in the slammer for it, and hopefully he wont be on my next flight!

A baby girl born on July 8th, was a happy event for a couple who already have about 47 kids, (not really, I just said that), but never the less that is not what we are here to talk about. The big surprise was, that two weeks after it was born, the baby had two teeth already showing on the front lower gum. There was a picture to prove it too, and sure enough, they were as plain as the teeth in your mouth. The specialist at the hospital said that although it was a rare occurrence, the baby had in fact grown it's first milk teeth.

Do you recall me mentioning an Islamic Religious Officer who claimed to have seen a man turn into a pig? Apparently he turned into a pig because he renounced Islam and became a Christian. Now that is not a good thing to do in this country, as they believe their religion is the only one, and all the others are false, and even satanic. Anyway, back to the pig/man. The police and the Religious Affairs department are now looking for that particular Religious Officer as they want to press charges or something. But apparently he has done a bunk, and cannot be located. He probably realises that his life is pretty worthless at the moment, and is hiding out for his own safety.

Now I could banter like this for hours, but I do have other things to do, so I will leave you with it, and get on my way.

TO ALBERT;

Yes, there are any number of car rental agencies throughout Malaysia. All the big names are here, and also all the unknown smaller ones too. The rates though are surprisingly high, and not too far off the mark of the Australian rates. If you look at the vehicles carefully you will find that perhaps they are not quite as well kept as the vehicles in Australia, but never the less, are in a safe condition and generally fairly reliable. To my knowledge you do not have to get an international driving licence any more, your Australian drivers licence is quite acceptable. And remember, take care out there, it's a jungle!

TO CHRISTINE;

If you bring any prescription medicine here, or anywhere in the world for that matter, it is always advisable to get a letter from your Doctor stating that he has prescribed it for you. Preferably in writing that everyone will be able to decipher. It is quite possible you may never get questioned about your medication, but it is always safer to have your Doctors letter with you, as it can be very traumatic to be pulled out of a line of passengers by the drug sniffing dog. It happened to me once on a arrival at Tullermarine Airport from Indonesia. Standing innocently in line and the drug dog did a mighty leap from where all he bags were lined up to me, and immediately began carrying on something shocking. Personally I though it was all a bit of a hoot, but a lot of the other passengers quickly and quietly moved about ten paces away from yours truly, as if I had a bomb in my pocket or something! Okay, so I got taken to a little room where they beat me silly with their rubber truncheons. No they didn't, I just said that. But they did take me away to a secluded area and started looking at me a bit strange. It wasn't until I pulled the package of cheese out of my pocket that I had nicked off the Qantas food tray, did they relax and have a bit of a laugh. I ate the cheese there and then, and they proffered their unnecessary apologies, and we all went away with a little anecdote to relate at a later time. Like now.

ANTHONY. (Wherever I go, that's where I am.)
July 1998